Episode #2: An Alcohol-Free HSP’s Journey to Self-Love

How Gretchen used her self-discovery, spiritual awakening, and holistic healing to quit alcohol and embrace her sensitivity.

Welcome back to The Happy HSP Podcast — I’m your host, Kimberly Marshall.

If you’ve ever poured several glasses of wine at the end of a long day just to take the edge off your sensitivity or wondered if your coping habits might be keeping you from feeling truly grounded or aligned with your highest self, this episode is for you. 

Today I’m joined by Gretchen Bergantine, also known as The Alcohol-Free HSP. She’s a Certified Transformational Nutrition Coach, a fellow highly sensitive person, and a very dear friend of mine. In this episode, she shares her powerful journey of self-discovery, sobriety, and spiritual awakening — that had all been sparked by one unexpected moment during the COVID pandemic.

We talk about the turning point that led her to quit drinking, what it was like to nourish herself as an HSP in ways that didn’t involve alcohol, and how embracing her sensitivity opened doors for her to pursue deep healing and personal growth.

This is an honest and uplifting conversation about what it looks like, as Gretchen puts it, to stop numbing and start living…so if you’re in need of some inspiration that a peaceful, nourishing, and substance-free existence as an HSP is possible, you’ll get a lot from Gretchen’s story and her insight.

I hope you enjoy it.

Kim: Hi, Gretchen. How are you doing?

Gretchen: Hello, Kim. I’m so good. How are you?

Kim: I’m good. Thank you for joining me all the way from the West Coast.

Gretchen: Of course. Happy to be here.

Kim: To start off our conversation, I wanted to get to know a little bit more about your journey. So, the first thing I’d love to ask you is how you came about finding out that you were a highly sensitive person. What made you realize that and what was that like?

Gretchen: Yes, yes. So exciting. I found out I was a highly sensitive person in 2020, and my mom was out visiting me from Wisconsin. She and my father live in Wisconsin, and they came out to help me with my son during Covid, the Covid lockdown, that whole thing. And her and I were talking very deeply, as we always do (my mom’s my best friend), and we were talking about how we are so sensitive.

And she went back to Wisconsin and a couple days later on her YouTube, a TED Talk video popped up…you know how our smartphones have a tendency to listen to us…and it was a TED Talk of a woman talking about high sensitivity, and she was telling her story of how she’s a highly sensitive person. And my mom actually sent me the YouTube right away and she said, oh my gosh, you have to watch this right away. This is us. This is totally us. This is grandma. This is your brother…

Kim: Yeah, and now you’re naming everyone in the family!

Gretchen: And Kim, the interesting part about my story is that the morning that she sent me that TED Talk, it was a Sunday morning, and it was around 10, 11:00 am, and I happened to be drinking a beer. And I was watching this TED talk, and it was maybe like 15 minutes in, and I’m crying, tears are streaming down my face, and I am excited, I’m relieved, I’m curious. Everything just kind of collided, the good, the bad, the ugly, everything.

And it wasn’t until a year or two later, I think closer to two years later, that I made the connection that the moment I found out I was highly sensitive, I was drinking a beer. And it was a Sunday morning! I was a churchgoer, and we didn’t go to church that day, but I looked at that as such a moment looking back on and reflecting on that. It was like all of a sudden a lot of things in my life started to make sense. So, since then, I have been on a massive journey, and that’s how I found out I was highly sensitive.

Kim: I just want to acknowledge that feeling because I feel like a lot of us, when we realize that someone gets it and there’s a thing that describes it, like you’re saying, that excitement, that the tears, the just like, oh my God, somebody gets me.

Gretchen: Yes, yes, yes.

Kim: So, when you were drinking a beer at 10:00 am on the Sunday and you got this, what was the connection for you? Was it like?

Gretchen: Right? No, I’m glad you asked. So, I was probably nursing a hangover or something that Sunday morning doing whatever I needed to do to get through the day. And as I said, it was a year, it was two years later that I made the connection. But what was going through my head at the time that I found out I was highly sensitive was…such a relief.

Like you said, this sense of somebody gets it, there’s actually a name for this. This is actually like a thing. I knew I was always different and I knew I had my unique quirks, but the way that she described it, it was like, yes, yes, yes. And, so, all the emotions.

And then that two years later when I thought about that moment and really processed it, and I will say I had at that moment, I had already in 2020 started on a massive spiritual awakening. Massive, massive transformation. These last four years have brought about a lot of growth, a lot of healing, a lot of evolving, a lot of expansion. And so it was like these moments, these bursts of clarity that I would have. And when I looked back on that moment, and I thought, “You know…you have been using alcohol to kind numb out and self-soothe from your sensitivity.”

Kim: That’s what I was wondering if you meant, and I didn’t want to assume because the feelings that we get are so intense. So that makes a lot of sense that we would drink to calm our nervous system.

Gretchen: And Kim, I had so much come up for me in those years, these last couple years, childhood trauma, understanding myself, and there’s a saying that we live life forward and understand it backwards. And I find that so true. And it was just like this, like I said, clarity burst of, “wow, this is what’s been going for 20 plus years!”

Kim: And the fact that you found that out as you were, I don’t know. I just find that…you know how timing and how synchronicity happens, it was just like, “Hey, Gretchen, this is what you need to know, the minute you need to know it”…points that out for you. And you mentioned, and I know you’ve told me this before because we’ve had this conversation, but I always forget because you’ve come such a long way, at least in my mind, and for how long I’ve known you, I still can’t believe that you just found out you were an HSP in COVID and here you are doing all this work. What was that journey like?

Gretchen: Thank you. Yes, it’s been great. It’s been wild. I will say there was a period of time where I didn’t think I was going to make it. I saw no hope. I saw it was pure exhaustion, frustration. If you’ve ever gone through a spiritual awakening or if any of your listeners have ever gone through a spiritual awakening, it is the most excruciating yet liberating thing that one can go through in this lifetime.

Kim: It’s not all happy or exciting when things fall apart in order to come back together better.

Gretchen: That is exactly right.

Kim: Thanks for sharing that. I think a lot of people need to hear that.

Gretchen: Yeah, it’s important that we talk about that, and especially highly sensitives because we are so in tune with the universe and frequencies and emotions that we pick up on that. And a spiritual awakening is a very pivotal moment. And just the journey has been really wonderful.

I am so grateful to my mom because her and God, of course, have really been my rocks of how I would get through it. She would say to me, “Gretchen, you’re going to get through this.” And I said, “Mom, I don’t know.” I mean, I had suicide ideation, dark night of the soul, and it was just, I didn’t see a way out of it. And it was the spiral of the awakening and then drinking a bottle of Chardonnay every night and then getting up the morning and on the weekend and nursing a hangover and not feeling present for my son and just a lot of things.

But you know what Kim, I would not trade anything for the world. This journey has brought me to today. It’s brought me to where I am in my coaching practice. And yeah, I’m excited. We are spiritual beings on a human experience, and I had gone through difficult moments in my life, but this was just so different. And I think because I’m older and because I have an older son who’s a teenager, and things just felt more amplified, and they felt more raw and real and difficult. But then the flip side, because we can emerge through spiritual emergence, through vantage sensitivity, us highly sensitive people, I’ve really come out on the other side of it. So yeah, I definitely understand what you’re saying and what you’re going through too.

Kim: So tell me, is it okay if we dig a little bit into your spiritual journey?

Gretchen: Of course.

Kim: And what it feels like, because it has to feel, because we’re such deep feelers, good and bad, it has to feel so amazing to be where you are and not every day, but to come out of that and be just where you are compared to what you were feeling like…when we make that leap. Can you just talk a little bit about that part of the process?

Gretchen: Absolutely. And it’s important. I was raised in the church. I think it’s important to say that to people because I knew life with Jesus Christ. I knew life with God. I knew life going to church. I had a wonderful upbringing. My parents are still married. My brother is bipolar and schizophrenic, which is also another root cause of why I was numbing as well.

But the spiritual aspect, which is one of the pillars, one of the three pillars in my coaching practice that we dive into, because spirituality is so important…and I don’t mean religion, religion. I am not a fan of the manmade.

Kim: I totally understand…and religion, for viewers and listeners, anything that means something to you, obviously this is your journey. We’re not knocking that at all. Religion means a lot to a lot of people, just to make that clear.

Gretchen: But for me personally, I had this discovery of this spiritual awakening and things just knowledge was coming to me. Just everything felt different to me. But I always had my close relationship with God. I always knew that I had a connection to source.

Kim: A higher power, someone that was part of your creation….

Gretchen: Absolutely. So, for me, in my journey, it was very intimate. While, like I said, while I’ve always known God, it was so much deeper. It’s been so much deeper now because I see things through such a wider lens, I guess, if you will, because I’m more aware of a lot of other things that are considered spiritual.

Kim: It lets you explore it in a different way than you might have been kind of closed off to.

Gretchen: Exactly. So that was really one of the points I wanted to make too, was growing up in the church I was taught to do and say things a certain way and be a certain way and stay away from certain taboo subjects and stay away from this and only do that.

And there’s so much out there and there’s so much beauty. So whatever works for that person, spirituality, religion, that’s a personal choice. That’s a personal journey. And a lot of people, especially those in recovery or those that struggle with addiction, really have a strong foundation with that because we have something to almost cling to.

Kim: Right…something to draw from.

Gretchen: Yes…to draw from that energy from creator and source.

Kim: Right? It’s almost like something that connects you not only to the earth and our surroundings, but yourself. It's like this all-encompassing kind of part of ourselves.

So, what do you find that you love the most about your high sensitivity? What is the thing that stands out?

Gretchen: Oh, goodness. That’s a great question. I love, I think my two favorite things would be my creativity and my intuition. I feel that those two gifts are really what pulls me and drives me and gives me that rich inner life. It helps me to connect with others. It helps me in my coaching business. It helps me in my relationship with my son. And I just love the creative aspect of it. I love the deep thinking. Some of it can be a double-edged sword, but absolutely, those are my two favorites, I would say.

Kim: Can I ask you a little bit about creativity and intuition? Because I don’t know if you can relate to this and maybe you have some insight, but in my journey, I found it’s so hard to be creative and intuitive when we’re stuck in that place of overwhelm or things aren’t going right. And for me, I’m such a perfectionist that if everything’s not picture-perfect all the time, it’s like I can’t focus sometimes.

Do you get that?

Gretchen: I totally understand what you’re saying, and yes, I do get that. So obviously with the acronym DOES (depth of processing, overstimulation, emotional responsivity/empathy, and sensitive to subtleties), we are very overstimulated. We get overwhelmed, and that’s why I’m such a big, huge advocate of nervous system regulation. That’s why I am preaching about it all the time on my social media. I talk about it every week in my newsletter.

Not to say that I don’t get overstimulated, because I’m a human and I’m an HSP, so it’s going to happen.

Kim: It just comes with the territory!

Gretchen: But it’s channeling that and then having the desire to want to recognize, okay, this is okay, this is who you are, but maybe let’s work on reframing that. And is the story that I’m ruminating over that I’ve made up in my head. Is that a real story or is that a story that I can rewrite?

I’m the master storyteller. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I’m not, my storyteller is…

Kim: I know my overactive brain over here.

Gretchen: Yeah, that’s so common.

Kim: I love that so much. And there’s been so much science on nervous system research. It’s really fascinating. And I’m just starting to see that there’s so much truth to it, because I have trouble being creative and intuitive when my mind, I was explaining when I’m overwhelmed, but I feel like when your mind is so messy, it’s hard to focus on the good, the progress, the next, the creative. But when you can find that calm place, it’s just there.

Gretchen: It wants to come out.

Kim: It wants to, right?

Gretchen: Yeah. It wants you to recognize it. And that’s the beauty of it. And it wants you to slow down so that we can hear it and what it’s trying to tell us.

Kim: Yes. And sometimes with me too, it’s the outside voices, so much chatter and what people say, and it’s really digging into yourself.

Gretchen: Yes, yes.

Kim: So, is there anything else that you love, or did we cover what you wanted to share?

Gretchen: I mean, I love a lot of things about my sensitivity. I really wear it with a badge of honor. I’ve never been one to be shy about it. I’ve never hidden it. In fact, the day I found out, I was telling everybody!

Kim: “Hey, look out, here I come!”

Gretchen: But no, I think those are just the two that really helped me professionally and personally.

Kim: What about the difficult things that you might struggle with as a highly sensitive person?

Gretchen: Absolutely. Well, we touched on it a little bit earlier, but we get overwhelmed. We get overstimulated. And for me, where I’m at right now in my life, coming out of this spiritual awakening, I mean, not completely out, but out of the really dark place, I have so many wonderful things in my life right now and so many exciting things with my coaching practice, with my personal life.

And for me, the struggle is that excitement, that overstimulation as an entrepreneur, as a highly sensitive person, as a woman, as a mom, there’s so much I want to do. There’s so much I want to say to people. There’s so much I want to give. There’s so much I want to offer, and there’s so many ideas in my head at all times that that can be a struggle for me because I don’t want to burn out or get overwhelmed.

Kim: What do you focus on?

Gretchen: What I focus on, so I’m very visual, like most highly sensitive people are. So, I have a planner and I have one to three things for that day that I know I need to work on. And then I set my day up with meditation. I work out every day. I’m very conscious of what I eat because I am a certified transformational nutrition and mental wellness coach. I was that before I was a highly sensitive person coach. So I’m really bridging…

Kim: You were in nutrition before you found out you were HSP, so when you found out you kind of married them?

Gretchen: Yeah. So that’s kind of where I found my niche when I had this discovery of being highly sensitive and then making the connection with the alcohol. What I do now is I work with highly sensitive people who use food or alcohol or sugar to numb out. I help them to stop doing that so that they can design a life that is compatible with the trait of high sensitivity and reduce that overwhelm so that they can design a life that’s free of those toxic behaviors.

So, I’ve really bridged the gap on that, and that’s why it’s just such a perfect fit for me, because it’s a calling…it’s in my bones, it’s in my gut, it’s in who I am. It’s in my DNA. So, making sure that I don’t get overwhelmed on the daily. And then there’s interruptions, there’s notifications going off. I know you put your phone on do not disturb…I do the same thingn and I’m really focused in the morning. That’s when I’m really alert.

I wake up early, something that I used to always wish I could do when I was drinking, and that I never could because I was hungover and my circadian rhythm was off. So now I wake up early. But yeah, just making sure that I have that balance and that check. I have an, “okay, Gretchen, how are you feeling?” check in with myself. Because I’m one of those people that if I have a packed schedule or if I don’t take the time to make sure I have something to eat or I’ve regulated my blood sugar issues and all of that, I’ve done a lot of work with a lot of that stuff. But making sure that my nervous system is on point so that I can handle whatever life throws at me for that day.

Kim: Seriously. Yeah. That’s what I’ve been trying to work on too, because I’m starting to realize that no matter what direction you’re going in, even if it’s the right path, there’s always going to be a setback. There’s always going to be a hardship. There’s always going to be a challenge. And we have to be able to use our bodies in a way that allows us to proceed. And we can’t just shut down all the time. It happens. I’m not saying it doesn’t, but I guess the recovery time gets a little easier sometimes when you know what to do and you know how to practice.

Gretchen: You get in the rhythm and the movement, and you start to recognize it. And because we are so in tune with our own emotions, it’s recognizing it and like, okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. The old me used to run to a bag of malted milk balls or a bottle of Chardonnay. Well, what do I do now? So, making sure that that nervous system is regulated and making sure that to just breathe and calm myself when I start to feel that overstimulation.

Kim: Yes, because food and alcohol, anything like that really has a huge effect on our bodies.

Gretchen: Well, we’re flooding our body with toxins. I eat very clean these days, but you look at what’s in our food and the chemicals that are sprayed on it and how that interrupts our endocrine system and how food is so crucial. You can heal yourself with food. You can kill yourself with food, too, but you can really heal yourself. And people forget about that. People forget that breath is the nutrient of life that feeds us, that food is nutrients that feed our body. And because we’re just so used to doing it that we forget about it, we do it naturally.

Kim: You’re not thinking about it, but this is living with much more intention.

Gretchen: Yeah, it’s absolutely living with intention and awareness and making sure you don’t drive yourself crazy, because as you said earlier, we have a tendency to be perfectionists…and myself included. And that’s something, it can be a slippery slope for people if they have an all or nothing mentality, and make sure they watch every morsel of food that they’re eating.

It’s the 80/20 rule, 80% of the time, be good, eat clean, and then 20% of the time have your things that you enjoy. You want to be able to live your life. You don’t want to be miserable and crabby all the time, but you want to find a rhythm that works for you. And that’s where I come in as a coach, is helping design that lifestyle with that person that does not cause overwhelm, because we don’t need to add a lot of things….any more things to our plate that we don’t necessarily need. But just being intentional about that time and space and energy.

Kim: And I noticed too, when I’m extremely intentional about eating well and taking care of my body and just moving, it ways that feel good…obviously, the energy, but I don’t know. I am starting to see that when I do eat something that’s not good for me, or when I do have a glass of wine, I feel awful. I can feel the inflammation. I can feel the achiness in my joints.

So, it’s funny, I haven’t been drinking much. I used to have a glass of wine or so at night, and occasionally a little bit extra. Just this past Thanksgiving, I had, I think two or three glasses of wine at dinner with family, and you’re eating and literally, my body felt achy.   

Gretchen: And that’s what started happening to me. I call it my wrecking ball moment. I mean, I had a major moment on July 14th, 2022. This was two years after I found out I was highly sensitive. And around the time that I started to make the connection of what’s going on with the drinking and why I was doing it so much. And I had my wrecking ball moment, my “never effing again” moment as you could say, where I was like, okay, we got to change some things and we got to do it now.

So, since July 15th, I haven’t had any alcohol. Well, somebody served me a drink at the bar and restaurant I go to a couple months ago. They accidentally served me a non-virgin, bloody Mary. So, I was buzzed and I’m like, whoa, what's going on? But I have not, other than that, I have not had a drop of alcohol since July 15th, 2022.

Kim: Congratulations, Gretchen. That’s beautiful.

Gretchen: Thank you so much.   

Kim: Wow. I just really commend you. And I told you on social media, I just love seeing how you share how you can live this lifestyle. You can have fun, you can be joyful, and you can have a glass of sparkling water in a wine glass. I loved that idea. I mean, you can make it special without having to get the effects.

Gretchen: People ask me all the time, well, do you think you’ll be alcohol free forever? And the answer I always say is, I don’t know. For right now, it doesn’t serve me. And with the work that I do, I obviously don’t want that in my life. It just doesn’t fit into my life right now. But that’s the mental part of the process is it’s there, I’m just choosing not to partake in it.

Kim: Good for you.

Gretchen: Thank you.

Kim: So, do you have advice for any highly sensitive people who may be struggling to find joy, meaning, and purpose? How can we find happiness as HSPs?

Gretchen: Oh, that’s such a beautiful question. I think it starts with the acceptance of high sensitivity. Some folks that I’ve met are not completely fully accepting of it and that person’s journey is for them.

However, I think that’s really where it starts, is that self-acceptance and that self-love. And part of what I do in my coaching is reframing your past in light of your sensitivity. So, rewriting stories, doing some inner child work and things like that. But I would say to someone that may be struggling with finding joy, start with researching and understanding the trait of high sensitivity and evaluating if that’s something that you are willing to accept.

But also, we all have spiritual gifts. That is something, as humans, we have that. And then as highly sensitive people, we have our unique, beautiful gifts too. And so oftentimes there’s so much negativity around sensitivity. And that’s where I really want to break the stigma of it in general and raise awareness of that trait of high sensitivity. Because if you understand it, you can use it and harness it to your advantage.

So, I would say just dig deep. Dig deep within and dig deep with what you feel could be your spiritual gifts and what you feel sparks joy for you, and what makes you tick, what makes you light up? What do people come to you for? That’s usually a good indicator for somebody that may not fully understand themselves or where they see themselves fitting in this world, this matrix of a world, if you will.

But just to dig deep and not be afraid of who you are. There’s a lot of rejection that happens in life. Whether it’s childhood trauma, a teacher made you feel a certain way. A parent said something that traumatized you and crushed your spirit, but really digging deep within, and that’s where coaching and therapy and doing that inner work really pays off because we all hold the key inside of us. It’s just a matter of unraveling all the mess around it.

Kim: I love that so much because acceptance is such a big part of it, because I feel like otherwise, you’re fighting who you are. And you’re trying to be someone to get that reassurance from other people and that acceptance.

Gretchen: And that was me. That was me for many years. Many of my adult years, I played piano since I was five years old. I played it competitively, and I was a very disciplined student, and that carried into my adult life, and that carried into who I viewed me as, and “you’re not good enough.” And this and that, and the things that I would say to myself, I’m like, you wouldn’t say that to somebody that you love. Why are you saying that to yourself? Also, ourselves. Right. But you don’t always realize it because it’s on rewind in your brain because we’re programmed. Yeah. We’re programming ourselves to think and do. I talk all the time about neuroplasticity, rewiring our brain. It’s scientific, it’s proven. You can rewire your thoughts and find hope and find acceptance and find that and that self-love and self-compassion.

Kim: Thank you for leaving us on that note, and for anyone who wants to follow along on your journey and anything else you’d like to share in that respect. I know you’re working on a course. If you could maybe share where people can follow along or where they can maybe sign up?

Gretchen: Absolutely. So, I have a course that I have. It’s called Stop Numbing Start Living, and it is a three-month course where we talk about high sensitivity and how it relates to addictive behaviors and kind of any research that may support that with anybody that struggles with alcohol or sugar. But I also do one-on-one coaching as well. So, my course is Stop Numbing Start Living.

Like I said, it’s done. I just am making some really great modifications to it. So, stay tuned. You can head over to my website. Your listeners can sign up for my newsletter there. I send out a newsletter every week. I also post on social media and my website, I’m sure you’ll put this in the show notes, but it’s www.thehsplifestylecoach.com, and my Instagram is the same. It’s @thealcoholfreehsp, and that’s where people can connect with me.

They can send me an email, they can send me a DM, but highly sensitive people, they’re kind of my tribe. They’re my people. And I love the ability to go deep and connect with them and to be able to talk about their journey in high sensitivity.  

Thank you so much for listening in on this powerful conversation with Gretchen.

 I hope her story resonated with you and that you’re walking away feeling more empowered to explore the ways that you cope with your sensitivity in a healthier and more accepting light.  

If something in this episode resonated with you, I’d love to hear about it. Come say hi over on Instagram @happyhsppodcast and share with me what you loved. And by the way, I’m always looking for my next guest, so if you’re an HSP who has a story to share about your journey, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at kmarshall@happyhspcoaching.com.

A quick reminder that I help HSPs build gentler and more nurturing careers, so if that’s something you could use some extra support with, be sure to reach out to me or download your free Career Clarity Guidebook at happyhspcoaching.com.

Thanks again for listening, and don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review to help more HSPs find this space.

Take care!

About Gretchen Bergantine:

Gretchen Bergantine is a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and The Alcohol Free HSP. As a Certified Transformational Nutrition Mental Wellness Coach, (C.T.N.C.), and Highly Sensitive Person Professional Coach, she works with HSPs to stop using alcohol to self-soothe their sensitive nervous systems and quit alcohol.

Using integrative and holistic practices and the proven 3-pillar Transformational Nutrition Model™️, she educates and coaches based on science, psychology, and spirituality with an energetic twist. After all, nutrition isn’t just food. It’s anything that feeds you mentally, physically, and spiritually. With her combination of these coaching modalities, she is well-versed in high sensitivity and how it relates to one’s overall lifestyle.

Gretchen has made it her mission to help others embrace their unique trait while raising awareness of high sensitivity and breaking the stigma of sensitivity in general while helping HSPs find freedom from alcohol.

She currently lives alcohol-free in sunny Huntington Beach, California with her husband, James, her HSP 17-year-old son, Phoenix, and highly sensitive black Labrador Retriever, Sawyer. 

Follow along with Gretchen’s journey:

Website: thealcoholfreehsp.com
Instagram: @thealcoholfreehsp

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About Kimberly:

After 20 years in the publishing industry working for companies like Time Inc., Monster.com, and W. W. Norton, Kimberly Marshall left her corporate work to create a gentler and more nurturing career that better suited her as an HSP. After repeatedly struggling with burnout and low confidence in the workplace, she now helps HSPs create careers that bring them lots of purpose, meaning, and joy. With the Happy HSP Podcast, Kimberly hopes to shed more light on the reality of living with high sensitivity and inspire more HSPs to embrace their empathetic, generous, and loving natures.

• Hosted/produced by Kimberly Marshall

• Edited by Fonzie Try Media

• Artwork by Tara Corola