Episode #49: Highly Sensitive People, Burnout, and the Power of Boundaries with Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali

How high-performing HSPs can stop over-functioning and create practical lives that support their sensitivity.

Welcome back to The Happy HSP Podcast. I’m your host Kimberly Marshall, and today I’m joined by licensed marriage and family therapist and coach Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. She shares her personal journey of discovering high sensitivity and how that realization transformed the way she approaches her work, relationships, and daily life.

We explore the reasons that so many HSPs feel exhausted, especially those who are high-achieving and constantly over-giving. Ibinye also opens up about perfectionism, emotional depth, and the importance of creating a life that truly supports your sensitivity instead of working against it.

So, if you’re an HSP who’s tired of feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or just “too much,” then this episode is for you.

I hope you enjoy it!

Kim: Ibi, it’s so wonderful to see you today. Thank you for joining me.

Ibinye: Thank you so much for having me here today, Kim. I’m super excited.

Kim: Yeah, same here. I’m so happy you’re joining me. So, my first question for you is how you found out you had high sensitivity and what first introduced you to that trait?

Ibinye: I remember the exact moment and where I was. I don’t remember the dates, but I remember the actual moment where I was. So, I was already a therapist by this time. This was, I don’t know, 2018, between 2016 to 2018, something around there. And then I was just sitting down in my office, minding my business, doing my work. And then I get a text. I wasn’t in-session because people are like, “You were in session?” I wasn’t in session. I was doing admin. And I received a text from a friend of mine and we are very similar. And the text just said, I didn’t click on the text, but I just kind of saw it pop up and it says, “I think this is you.” And I just saw something about sensitive. And in my head I was like, “How dare you? What is she saying?” So, I didn’t click on it.

I was just like, “What’s she talking about?” Because we’re the same person practically. But then after I was done with my work, I clicked on it and it was like a self-test and I was like, everything I was clicking on, I was like, “This is me. This describes my entire life. I really have always felt like nobody understood me. I was the odd person out.” And I was like, “How lovely of her to see this thing, recognize me in it, send it to me.” And I’m like, “Oh, I can’t believe I was mad at her. She really is my friend.”

Kim: Yeah. That says so much because that just shows me what society really does believe about sensitivity. And there has been a lot of talk about the trait because it isn’t just the sensing, it’s the how we’re processing everything. So, a lot of people do say sensitivity isn’t the best word for it, which I wonder now. But I love that at first you were kind of offended, but then when you dug into it, or i.e. education, it was like, wait, no, I understand what this is a little bit more. And yeah, I can totally relate to that.

Ibinye: Yeah. And it really just shifted my entire world because my first thing was, let me first understand what this thing is. And then my second step was to educate the people who were closest to me, which is my husband, my siblings, my parents, because I was like, you see how I’ve always just felt like something was off within me? There’s nothing wrong with me. And although they never thought anything was wrong with me, but I always felt something was wrong with me and they always like, “That’s just who you are. That’s just who you are.” They did label me as too sensitive though. And I was like, “Now you got to stop saying that because I’m just the right amount of sensitive.” And they’ve stopped because they’re like, “We get it now.”

Kim: Whatever. You’re like, “Yeah.”

Ibinye: I’m just as sensitive as I need to be. Stop telling me too much.

Kim: I’m perfect. Yeah. Amazing.

Ibinye: It was lovely. And from then on I moved to, okay, how can I structure my life in a way that works for me? Because I’m learning, I was like, okay, if the world is not sensitive enough for me, if the world is not made for me, so how can I, just my own little world, wherever it is that I have control over starting in my actual household and then moving out to work, even moving into my marriage and even the way I parent, my friendships, how can I ensure that whatever it is I have control over is actually working with me to reduce the amount of exhaustion and overstimulation. Because I’m telling you, Kim, all of my life I have just felt like physically exhausted. I would describe my childhood as I was the child who was always just tired, just like physically exhausted, because it was just too much.

The amount of things that I did, it was just too many activities. My life was very structured, but you know the kid who is out of the house by 7:30 AM and then doesn’t come back till like late at night and then has to do homework and then do it all over. And that was my life. I didn’t get many breaks and I was like, Man, poor sensitive Ibi. Your life was just a lot going on.

Kim: Yeah. Looking back, you can see why you were so driven, but all of that, you’re processing so much, and you’re taking in so much of the world around you. It was a lot. 

Ibinye: It was too much.

Kim: Yeah. So, talk to me about that journey from realizing this too, kind of adjusting your life. I mean, it doesn’t sound like something that happens overnight. Was that over the course of some time that you were able to kind of put things together? What does that look like for you, would you say?

Ibinye: It took years. So, it took me looking at blog posts and then reading a whole bunch of books trying to understand. And then even in my therapy practice, it made sense now because I was like, “Oh my gosh, I feel like I have misdiagnosed so many people.” And then you feel like a jerk because I’m like

Kim: I thought I knew it all. Yeah.

Ibinye: I thought I knew it all. Grad school did not prepare me for it because it’s not something that I don’t know if in graduate schools now they’re teaching sensitivity. I hope they are, but it wasn’t anything that was ever mentioned. It’s not anything that we diagnose, even though it’s not a disorder, it’s just a trait, but there are no mentions at all. And so, the way we diagnose as therapists, and I’m sure physicians do this too, is we’re just trying to see what fits best because for insurance purposes they do need a diagnosis of some sort. And then based on the diagnosis, we do a treatment plan, and I was just like, “Oh my gosh, I can think of all of these clients that I said they were anxious or depressed.” And I’m like, they were not anxious or depressed. They were just highly sensitive, and the world wasn’t working for them.

And I just felt like the biggest jerk. But I took action, I went into my website and I just revamped the whole thing and I’m like, This has to be sensitivity friendly. We got to change this. You all are welcome and I’m going to change the way that I do my work because it has to work for you now.

Kim: Yeah, beautiful. It was like you had this new awareness and then you were able to kind of apply it in the moment just like piece by piece.

Ibinye: Yeah. It took years though. The process took years. It’s not an overnight thing. I tried different things, figured out what worked for me, figured out what didn’t work for me, and I had to learn to be gentle with myself because it felt almost like I was a newborn. I’m just learning myself again, but I’m telling you, when you have a strong support system, nobody kicked against me. All my closest people to me, nobody was like, “No, it’s not a thing.” They were just like, “Oh, okay. All right.”

Kim: And to you, it’s like life changing and everyone’s like, “Oh, cool later.”

Ibinye: Okay. I kind of knew this, but okay, you’re happy. That’s great.

Kim: Yeah. But yeah, to us, it’s like the whole world changes. We have this whole new lens and way of seeing ourselves and how we interact in everything. Like you were saying, your relationships, your marriage, the way we have our home set up for us, and yeah, it’s just like everything is affected.

Ibinye: Yeah. I became a minimalist overnight. I’m like, everything has to go.

Kim: Yeah. Simplify, simplify.

Ibinye: Yes. It changed my life, let me tell you. It changed my life for sure. 

Kim: And this is your focus now and your work, right?

Ibinye: My focus is highly sensitive people. And I think people are also shocked when they’re searching for a therapist or a coach who even knows anything about high sensitivity. They’re like, “I know about high sensitivity, but nobody I’ve talked to knows anything.”

And I even have a horror story of my own. I was in therapy during the ... I had two therapists actually during the pandemic because it was rough, and my therapist was telling me that high sensitivity is not a thing. She was like, “It’s not in the DSM.” DSM is the big book that we diagnose out of, so it doesn’t exist. If I don’t see it, then it doesn’t exist. And I’m sending her tons of research. I’m like, “Lady, I’m living this life every single day.” 

And she’s like, “Nope, it’s not a thing.” So, I was like, “Yeah, we can’t work together anymore. We can’t. This is not going to work for me.” So, it’s like, don’t guess your clients. But experiences that have helped me in the way that I work with people is you’ve got to validate people. You cannot feel like you know everything because you’re a professional.

We don’t know everything. There’s still so much that we’re learning about the human mind.

Kim: Yeah. And there’s so much variety within the trait. Every HSP is so unique and so different. It’s just there’s not a one size fits all there either.

Ibinye: Absolutely. Yeah. And I think that’s also something I’m always aware of. At the beginning, I didn’t quite understand sensitivity, and I thought we were all the same. And of course, the more I work with people, the more I learn, the more I read. I’m just like, it’s like any trait at all. There’s always going to be variety. And it’s really about when you’re working with people, listen to their stories, validate them, listen to what they’re trying to achieve and just walk with them on that journey. You can’t be a professional who thinks you’re a know-it-all because people get hurt in that process.

Kim: Right. When you tell someone what’s good for them versus helping them figure out what is from their perspective. Yeah. I don’t know about you, and obviously I’m not a therapist, I’m in the coaching space, but I know when clients come to me, I get the sense that they’re so overwhelmed and lonely in this journey, and they just come in with such a sense of relief when they can tell you what’s going on in their lives and you’re like, “Yes, you’re not making this up.” This is to your validation point. You can see the stress just kind of melt away like, “Thank you, you get me.”

Ibinye: And it’s just so heartwarming, and it creates such safety for people when they come to us because let’s be honest, when you’re highly sensitive, you know something’s different about you. Nobody has to tell you. And when you’re a child, you just feel like something’s off about me. In most cultures, they’re not HSP-friendly. They’re telling you for the men, you need to man up and for the women, stop crying and you’re too sensitive. And why do you care so much about those causes and why are you so responsible and do you think you’re better than us? Just kind of depending on wherever you grew up. And so, when you sit across someone who’s supposed to help you guide you, and they say to you, “This is not made up. Your experience actually is valid and your experience actually happened.” The level of trust that you’ve now opened up and now you give them the strength that they need to actually do the work that will help them reach their goals.

Kim: Yeah, because it almost takes away all of ... I feel like before we know about high sensitivity or work with someone who understands it, it’s like most of our mental space is trying to figure out what’s wrong with us and trying to figure out how to be acceptable in society, within our friend groups, with our family, change ourselves. And once that clicks into place, you’re working in a whole different ballgame. It’s like, “Okay, how do I become the most best version of myself?” And then it’s just such a shift.

Ibinye: Once you find out that you’re highly sensitive, I think you’re now rooted in, “Okay, this is who I am.” For some people, because for others, you kick against it because who wants to be different? Nobody wants a label, nobody wants ... And of course you mentioned at the beginning, the word sensitive, there’s a lot of stigma against that word, but once you’re like, “Okay, I get it. I’m a little bit different from this person over here, and that’s okay. Now let me figure out how to walk in my lane as opposed to what most of us do as highly sensitive people…we are camouflaging everywhere. We’re chameleons. We try at least to turn it off and then we turn it on in certain spaces and we try to just assimilate into the general public, and it’s so exhausting doing that.

Kim: Exhausting. I hear you. What would you say shifted in terms of the way you approached your work, would you say? How did that kind of transition?

Ibinye: So, the first step was in I’ll give them the HSP self-test. That’s the first thing, right? Because I’m not in the business of telling people things. I’m in the business of having people discover for themselves. It’s more empowering that way. And I said, just take this test, come back next week and then we’ll just kind of see what you discover. And that test is life changing, right? They typically will come back and they’re like, “I was reading every question. I felt like this described who I was and da, da, da, da, da.” And typically I disclose, I’m HSP as well, so welcome to the club.

I’m glad that you met a real-life person who has some similar traits to you, but I also have them know that we’re going to be different and that’s okay. Your goal is not to become me. Your goal is just to figure out who you are at your core. Your factory setting is what I often tell people. Let’s find what your factory settings are before the world came in and socialized you into whoever you thought you were supposed to be. We talk a lot about, okay, how do I break this to my family and friends? Do I even want to break this to my family and friends? Let’s talk about that. How can I create an environment that works for me? Let’s start with, I always say, start with the bedroom, because you’re spending at least eight hours there every day. So, let’s see. 

Do you even like your life? What is working? What is not working? Again, that’s within your control because the entire world is not within our control. Everyone around you is not necessarily going to understand. And we also work through the rejection that comes with being highly sensitive because some people are just deeply disappointed. They’re like, “Man, I just want it to be like everybody else.” And there’s a grief that comes for some people. They’re like, “Man, so everything I thought about myself is true. So, I can’t do X, Y, Z or whatever.” Not because I can’t, but because I don’t want to, it’s just not serving me well. For some people, it’s the grief losing some friendships because certain friends just are not HSP-friendly for them. And it’s not me saying, “You have to cut people.” Because I’m not a cutoff person, but just naturally in the works, some people are like, “This is not going to work for me.” 

Some people they’re like, “I feel like I’m going to switch careers. I think I’m going to quit my job.” You’re just finding all sorts of different levels to your life and it’s difficult to walk through that on your own a lot of times.

Kim: Yeah, you’re so right Because when you said go back to factory settings and who you are, it gets so convoluted for so long and there’s so many spaces that that fills and it’s just like, yeah, it brings back that thought like it’s just piece by piece, like who am I in my career? Who am I in my relationships and my friendships? Who am I to myself? Yeah, that can sound scary. When you think about it all, it’s like one big thing.

Ibinye: Yeah. And it is a scary thing because it’s self-discovery, right? The people I’m working with are adults, some are in their 40s, some are in their 50s, some are in their 30s, someone in their 20s. So, you’ve spent decades living this life that’s not aligned with who you are at your core. You’ve always known who you were, but you’ve never been able to actually explore that piece because there was never a label for a thing. And I often say if there’s no label for a thing, it’s hard for the thing to be real, but that’s why labels are important. I know I don’t necessarily love the sensitive part of being highly sensitive, like that word, because it’s almost like an insult in most cultures, but at least we have something to call it.

And a big piece that I do in my coaching, because I do coaching and therapy is I talk about boundaries all the time, boundary setting. Highly sensitive people are typically very kind and empathetic at their core, and that’s why boundary setting can be difficult. HSPs are typically very responsible, and they like to be efficient and they like rules and structure because it’s predictable, and predictability is safety. And a lot of the people that work with me, they are the resource in their friend group and in their family group. And what I mean by that is they’re the one that people go to when they’re having a difficult time. They’re the one who will plan vacations for everyone. They’re the ones that will raise other people’s children sometimes. They’re the one who gets the higher education and they’re the one who knows the path to ... It’s almost like they’re the one who knows how to handle everything.

So, imagine just carrying that weight and they start to realize, I think too many people are counting on me, and I’m finding that it probably doesn’t have to be this way, but I’m terrified because will they stop loving me? Will they leave me? Will they be mad at me? Will they fail without me? Because I’ve been telling them what to do all of their lives. They don’t know how to plan their lives or what to do and there’s a shift when they realize nobody’s that powerful to ruin everybody’s life at the same time. You’re not that powerful. I know you think you are, but we’re not. None of us are. And so, that’s why I’m really heavy on boundaries and how to say no and how to check in with yourself. Do you even want to be helping this person at this time? Are you tired?

Should you be on the phone with this person as opposed to sleeping? So, just honoring your own needs while also honoring other people at the same time. And it’s not a perfect process. You’re going to get it wrong a lot. You’re going to feel like you’re wrong a lot, but part of the process is just taking away that perfectionism piece. And I say, work at 80%. And my clients hate it when I say this. I’m like, “Work at 80.” What does that mean? That just sounds so awful. You don’t want to do this.

Kim: The best.

Ibinye: Because you’re 100% is like the next person’s 300% and you’re burning out and it’s no longer working for you. So, I always challenge them like, “What does 80% look like?” And they hate this. They hate this at the beginning, but eventually they’re like ... And someone was like, “Guess what? I didn’t make my bed this morning, and everything was fine.”

Kim: Yes. Guess what? I shot for 70% today, and I feel amazing. 

Ibinye: Exactly. 

Kim: It’s okay. So much. No, that’s so great because it kind of takes you off the hook of putting everything. Some days I don’t feel like washing my hair and doing ... I know that’s such a silly example, but it is because it’s a conscious shortcut. It’s like, I would love that time today to have a cup of tea, and my hair looks fine. I’m just going to not blow it out today.

Ibinye: Yeah. It’s just being kind because HSPs are generally kind to other people, but sometimes can be very difficult with ourselves. So it’s like, okay, you know how to be kind, you know how to be empathetic, you know how to be warm. Let’s take a little bit of that and let’s turn it towards you, right? If you’re not going to say that to somebody that you love, if you’re not going to say that to other people, then why are you saying that to yourself in your own head? Let’s take things down a notch. 

So it’s very counterintuitive because I highly sensitive people and I work with high-performing, highly sensitive people. So, they are like moving full throttle everywhere in every domain and I’m telling them to do the opposite like, “What would life look like if you just slow down a little bit?” Now I’m not saying that highly sensitive people should not achieve goals or should not have a career, should not have friends.

We’re just like living in la la land. That’s not what I’m saying, but it’s like, let’s get down to your why. Why are you pursuing this career? Why are you pursuing this charity, whatever it is that you’re doing? Is it because it looks good, or is it actually in alignment with your values, so we can go through the values? What are your values? In that factory setting, are you doing what you think society wants you to do, what you should be doing, or are you actually pursuing the things that bring joy and mean things to you? So, it’s like, like I say, we’re just turning everything upside down for them.

Kim: I love that so much, and I’m glad you said what I should do. That’s exactly what you were reminding me of, that I should be doing this versus I want to do this. But not only that, I love also that you added that complexity of kind of the ego space where we think we can’t let people down and also people have their own journey and you’re actually honoring them and letting them do their thing by stepping up and showing them that you think they can. Actually, by stepping in that way, we’re showing people we don’t believe in them.

Ibinye: Absolutely. Yeah. We sometimes will hinder the people we love, and we don’t think we’re hindering them, right? But if every time someone called you and asked for help, you jumped in and did the thing for them, you’re becoming more efficient because you’re learning skills, right? Because we learn by doing a lot of us, but what are they learning? They’re not learning much. All they’re learning is if there’s a problem, call Ibi, she’ll fix it. But what if you actually took a step back, showed them how to use the resources, showed them how to do the thing and watch them fly. Most people will fly if you just teach them how to do the thing.

Kim: Yeah. And not only that, but you’re also freeing up your own energetic space, which is so important for us. I’m just so mindful of taking my time every day, giving myself time between tasks, that level of care and kindness to yourself because yeah, our nervous systems can’t go, go, go all the time. We can, but that’s where the burnout comes in.

Ibinye: Yeah, absolutely. And I think when you’re high-performing, you learn how to push through burnout. Our bodies can only handle that for so long. At some point, your body will fight back at you and say, “I’m not doing this any longer.”

Kim: Yeah, absolutely. Then it’s hard to kind of get back on your feet.  

Ibinye: We’re trying to avoid that. Nobody wants to be burned out or to become physically ill. And it’s happened to me in the past where I was actually physically ill because I was just going full throttle just ignoring all of my own needs. And it was when my doctor looked at me and was like, “This is not working for you. This is not working for you. I will put you on medical leave.” I was like, “How dare you medical leave me? I’m a superhero. What do you mean?”

Kim: It’s like a failure. It feels like a failure, and it’s scary.

Ibinye: Yes. Because in my mind, the delusion was great. In my mind, I really did think I could do everything at the same time, and I could be running fast while doing everything at the same time, and my body was like, no, that’s just not physically possible for anyone, for anyone at all.

Kim: Anyone, especially us.

Ibinye: Especially us. Yeah.

Kim: So even though you have all the education and you work in this space, what are some things that you still seem to struggle with when it comes to your sensitivity, would you say?

Ibinye: I still sometimes will struggle with the idea of crying because I cry for everything. Crying is just how I express myself. So, if I’m really upset, I’ll cry. If I see something beautiful, it could be art, it could be dance, it could be theater, it could be I hear music, it could be I’m just walking through the store, and I see someone playing with his baby and I’ll just like cry. And people are like ... Now I’m not like bawling on the floor, but tears are coming and that’s just ... And sometimes it feels still embarrassing for me, especially if I’m in public and I’m like, “I need these tears to just stop.”

Kim: They really just want to flow and yeah.

Ibinye: But I’m a crier and that’s just how I express myself. So, in my head, I know it’s okay, but sometimes I still catch myself feeling a little bit of, I don’t know if it’s shame or self-consciousness because I’m like, “Stop it. Nobody else is crying.” So that still is a thing for me.

Kim: How do you react to that in the moment would you say?

Ibinye: In the moment I just cry, honestly. In the moment I just cry, I’m just like, they are tears. People have seen tears before. It’s not like I’m hurting anybody by crying and I have to constantly, it’s a self-talk, like reminding myself like the same thing I tell people, tears are okay, tears are human, they’re just a sign that you’re experiencing an emotion, emotions communicate with us and it’s perfectly fine. And I think now I’m at the point in my life where I’ve built a pretty solid system around me. I think when you’re in your maybe 20s or in your teens, you’re just hanging out with people because I don’t know, they’re cool or whatever. But I think at this age, I’m hanging out with people because they love me, they respect me, I’m safe with them, they’re safe with me. And so, these people don’t have any problems with me.

They just know they’re like, that’s Ibi. Is what it is.

Kim: Yeah. You have a great support system, and people that you’re comfortable with that know you and yeah, I don’t think it’s awkward or weird. It’s just who you are, and it wells up in the moment. It’s not something we can stop. I’m with you.

Ibinye: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And another thing I think that’s a hangup for me sometimes is I’m a worker bee. I love to work, and it’s not even about money or anything. I like work for work’s sake. It’s not even about the output or the outcome, what I get from it, like just the process of sitting and just doing a thing. It just brings me so much joy and I have to remind myself I know before we started recording I was talking about last year was a difficult year for me, and I also took a year off 2023 to 2024, like a whole year and I just needed to, I had a baby, it was really hard and I was like, “I need to just be with my baby.” It was just obvious. I needed to just not work, and that was a struggle for me and it was weird because she’s not my first baby.

I’ve been at home with babies before, but I was just like, “Man, but they’re all this projects I’m supposed to be doing and da, da, da.” That was a struggle. So, I’m not going to sit here and pretend like, “I got it all, figure it out.” I don’t got it all, figure it out. I still have moments where I have to be like, “Ibi, stop, stop. Let’s focus on how much bandwidth you have in this season. What is it that you’re able to do in this season? Who needs you in this season? What do you need in this season and now you can proceed as such.”

Kim: Right. What a push-pull for you because on one hand you have this sensitivity and this deep processing that just drains us. And on the other hand, you have this drive to get so much done. It brings you joy. But yeah, you kind of have to balance that.

Ibinye: Yes, yes. I always have to balance that. And I think it’s important that we also don’t compare ourselves to other people. Everybody’s on their own journey, sensitive or not. Everybody’s on their own journey, and the journey looks different depending on, I don’t know, whatever’s going on around you in your immediate environment, in your external environment. It’s just learning from me contentment. Just being content within every season that I’m in and trying to learn the lesson that this season is bringing me. That’s what I’m working on.

Kim: Yeah. And that shifts, that changes. I love that you mentioned the seasons because what is needed from us or what we want, that changes, and allowing yourself to go with the flow versus forcing.

Ibinye: Absolutely. We’re always learning and that’s okay. We’re always learning. It doesn’t matter how old you are, doesn’t matter how much you know about sensitivity. You will always be learning, you’ll always be growing, and that’s okay.

Kim: Yeah, exactly. It’s allowing that space for yourself without shame or judgment. Yeah.

Ibinye: No shame and no judgment for sure.

Kim: What do you love about high sensitivity? What do you celebrate about the trait?

Ibinye: I love how I’m able to hold space for people. So, if you put me in a room full of people, you won’t even notice me. You will not even know I was in the room. I just shrink. I’m just like, oh, I’m not here. But put me with one person or put me with two people at a time. I really love just connecting with people human to human. I love being able to understand how people feel even when they’re not able to articulate how they feel. I love that I can just understand that. Empathy is so easy for me. Validating others is so easy for me. I’m just a natural cheerleader. I just think my kids think I’m a weirdo because I’ll be in public, and if I see something on someone that I love, I don’t care what it is. I don’t care if it’s your eyes.

I don’t care if it’s your smile. I really don’t care. But if I see something that I like or that just looks pretty, I am compelled to ... I have to go to the person and be like, “Oh my gosh, I love your shirt.” And my kids are like, I have two children.

Kim: Gosh mom…So embarrassing. Yeah.

Ibinye: I just love how deep we feel. I used to not like how deeply I felt because it almost felt painful for me. But now I’m in full acceptance of how deeply I feel. So whether it’s deep sadness, whether it is deep joy, whether it’s deep anger, deep frustration, deep regret, deep whatever, I’m at an age now where I’m like, I’m very grateful that I get to feel this deeply because this is the thing that makes me a good friend or a good mom or a good wife or a good coach, a good therapist, a good whatever, fill in the blank.  

Kim: Such a great point too. We always go for the joy and think that if our lives aren’t fully joyful, we’re doing something wrong, but it’s a two-way street. There are ups, there are downs and that is just part of our lives, whether you have it all together or not.

Ibinye: And nobody has it all together. We’re all just doing our best, really.

Kim: Exactly. Yeah. We’re all learning and growing. It’s a continuous thing.

Ibinye: It absolutely is. Yeah, that’s true.

Kim: So, what advice would you have for highly sensitive people who may be struggling to find happiness or joy or contentment in their lives? What would you say?

Ibinye: I think focus on the small things, focus on the small things, turn down the chatter. I don’t want to use the word hate. I was going to say love-hate relationship with social media. I love that I’ve made a lot of great connections. I met you on social media, so it’s great, right? I’ve met a lot of people on social media, but sometimes it feels like a vortex, and it just kind of sucks you in. So be careful not to compare yourself to other people and focus on the small things that bring you joy. So, when you wake up in the morning, what is it that I enjoy today? What is it that I’m grateful for? Gratitude is so important, too. What am I grateful for? It could be ... And I’ll do this, actually. I lay down and I’m just like, “Yeah, I’m so grateful for my sheets and my pillow.” These are like tiny things, right?

But just reminding yourself of these things every single day as opposed to the lack, like, “I wish I wasn’t so sensitive, or I wish I was whatever.” It really just helps to just reset the mind. So, focus on the little tiny things, focus on the good that you’re bringing into the world, because it might not feel like you’re doing anything so big or so important, but the smile that you give people at the grocery store, that means something. The connection that you have with your neighbor, that means something. Being able to really listen and understand people, that means a lot. Our traits is so important because we are often the people who go and change the world or change our communities or change even negative family patterns. So, we are so needed in society.

Kim: Beautiful. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for joining me today. You were telling me that you had extended sessions or intensive sessions in your therapy. Can you share a little bit about that?

Ibinye: Yes. So, typically therapy is once a week for about an hour, but sometimes I have clients who they’re like, “Can we wrap this up? Can we move faster? Can we do more?” And it could be because, I don’t know, maybe their schedules don’t permit, they travel all the time, and they just don’t have time to come in every week. Or there’s this big thing that happened and they’re like, “I just want to get this thing off my chest now.” And so I do extended sessions or intensives and what they look like is anywhere from 90-minute to three-hour sessions. We sit, we deeply go, we go into the issue, we unpack the issue, and it helps you just feel better faster. Not that we’re rushing, but some clients really do feel like I’ve carried this burden for so many years. I just want it gone now and I don’t want to wait months and months and months.

And so, I do extended sessions in that way and I don’t limit it. We do whatever you need. So, some will come in and say in three hours they’re like, “I’m good.” And some will be like, “Can we do another three hour?” But I don’t go over three hours just because I don’t want my clients to burn out, and I don’t want to burn out either.

Kim: Yeah, that’s great. Yeah, you can sit and really focus on one issue so deeply and really get to the heart of it all in that time and space. So where can people find you and get in touch with you?

Ibinye: So, I am at the Zinnia Practice. Zinia is Z-I-N-N-I-A. So, the Zinnia practice and I’m at the Zinnia Practice everywhere. So, my website is thezinniapractice.com. On TikTok, I’m @thezinniapractice, Instagram, Facebook, just the Zinnia practice.

Kim: And remind me, well, I know, but I want everyone to hear because your company name has a special meaning to you. Can you just share what that is, the Zinia?

Ibinye: So my name is not Zinnia because a lot of people call me Zinnia now.

Kim: That’s so funny.

Ibinye: Zinnia, I’m not Zinnia, but Zinia is a flower and it comes in different variety, different colors. My dad actually plant, my dad is a big gardener and he actually plants zinnias as well, and he called me to be like, “By the way, guess what I did? I planted zinnias, and I thought…”

Kim: Get that call every year.

Ibinye: Oh, thank you so much. Zininas come in different varieties, different colors. They can look different, and they’re pretty hardy plants. They really remind me of the people that I work with. They might look different, they might have different backgrounds, they might have different issues come up, but ultimately I like to remind them that they are hardy and they can get through difficult things. So that’s the meaning behind Zinnia.

Kim: So beautiful. Ibi, thank you so much for joining me today. It was such a pleasure.

Ibinye: Thank you, Kim. This was fun. The time flew by so fast.

Kim: Yeah, it really did.  

Thank you so much for listening in on my conversation with Ibi. I hope it reminds you that deeply processing the world around you and feeling strong emotions is par for the course for HSPs. But it doesn’t mean that we have to overextend ourselves or sacrifice our well-being for the sake of perfection or rescuing others. SO take good care of yourself and give yourself the grace of rest and recalibration…especially during the seasons of life that you need it the most. 

Until next time. Take care!

About Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali is a licensed marriage and family therapist, practicing virtually in Texas and California. She helps high performing, highly sensitive women heal trauma and quiet overwhelm, so they can feel confident setting set clear, kind boundaries and show up powerfully in their relationships and work. She loves utilizing brainspotting for women who have tried talk therapy without success. As a HSP coach, she helps women better understand the HSP trait, create a life that aligns with who they are, so they do not lose themselves in the shuffle of life. You can connect with her on www.thezinniapractice.com

Follow along on Ibinye’s journey:

Website: thezinniapractice.com
Instagram/TikTok/Facebook: @thezinniapractice

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About Kimberly:

Kimberly Marshall is an ICF-certified Energy and Intuition coach for highly sensitive people (HSPs) and host of The Happy HSP Podcast. After 20 years in the publishing industry working for companies like Time Inc., Monster.com, and W. W. Norton, she left her corporate career to pursue work that better suited her HSP needs. She now helps HSPs reconnect with their intuition, energy, and soul’s purpose so they can live gentle, heart-centered lives in alignment with who they truly are.

Through her work, Kimberly hopes to shed more light on the reality of living with high sensitivity and inspire more HSPs to embrace their empathetic, loving, and gentle natures.

• Hosted/produced by Kimberly Marshall

• Edited by Fonzie Try Media

• Artwork by Tara Corola