Episode #29: The Transformative Power of Authenticity, Neuroscience, and Psychosomatic Work for HSPs
How highly sensitive people heal trauma, reclaim their true selves, and create aligned lives through body-centered awareness.
Welcome back to The Happy HSP Podcast. I’m your host Kimberly Marshall, and today I’m joined by Elena Lupo. She’s an Italian psychologist, NLP practitioner, author, and a leading voice in high sensitivity research and education in Italy. In this episode, we explore what happens when a highly sensitive person stops trying to fit in and instead begins living in alignment with their true nature.
We talk about authenticity, nervous system regulation, and psychosomatic work — especially as it relates to how the body holds our experiences, defenses, and our unspoken stories. Elena shares her personal journey in high sensitivity in and around the cultural challenges of growing up as an HSP in Italy, and how honoring her sensitivity can led to profound healing and transformation of her life.
If you’re a highly sensitive person who’s navigating burnout, people-pleasing, difficulty saying no, or a longing to feel more at home in your body and your life, this conversation is for you.
I hope you enjoy it!
Kim: Elena, thank you so much for joining me today. It’s great to see you.
Elena: It’s a great pleasure also for me. Thank you for inviting me.
Kim: Yes. Yeah. So the first question I have for you is about your own journey and high sensitivity and how you learned about the trait and how you found out that you had this trait. What was that like for you?
Elena: Yes, I come from Italy, so I’m sorry if I don’t speak English so well, but I’ll try to make me understand. I discovered the highly sensitive trait in 2013 after my graduate because I was starting to make my job what was psychologist and psychotherapist in hospitals, and I felt overwhelmed all the time. I felt burnout all the time. So I was wondering if it was the right job for me. And then I met this book of in a library, The Highly Sensitive Person. And I thought no, I think now because I’ve ever been highly sensitive, of course. But here in Italy, sensitivity is a big problem. So in school, in families, in friends. And so maybe for example, I didn’t drink alcohol and in adolescence is a big problem for friends here in Italy. I don’t drink coffee. And here in Italy, everybody drinks five or six coffee a day.
I don’t like big events or crowds or very typical things that Italians love. So I felt a little bit strange all my life. So I read this book and I found my life the explanation of many, many episodes of my life. And I wrote down to Elaine Aron in San Francisco directly via mail by mail. And she answered me after a month more or less. And she wrote me, oh wow, from Italy, the first Italian person that I met that I meet. And then she gave me many, many studies, experiments, articles, and books. So she followed me for several months for my training in this topic. And I went to United States two times to have a gathering with Jacquelyn Strickland. And then I have the training for highly sensitive consultants with Elaine Aaron in 2018. So from since then to now, I dedicate all my life to this topic.
I work with families, with children, with teachers. And I train two times I hear people that in their work, in their daily life, introduce this kind of topic. So I think just to answer your question, because I opened this answer so much, but I think that I lived two lives. One before I found this and one after that. And so before, also the imagine that I had of myself changed so much because I found that my way of being could make sense. And so that’s it.
Kim: So, I’m curious how, because you mentioned all the things that, especially in your culture with Italians and coffee and Italians and drinking, and I have an understanding that it’s a social aspect to that and a connection through that. So, I’m curious, when you did find this out and you did find these two lives that you were living, what is the difference? How do you see yourself now and how did you see yourself then? And what’s the difference there for you?
Elena: Shortly before that, I tried all my life to fit in. So, I felt strange, I felt a mistake, and then tried all the time to do like others, to be like others, to don’t feel what others don’t feel, so didn’t feel. So I felt many, many times in fault. How do you say it? Sorry. I’m feel fault? Okay. Guilty. Maybe guilty is better. I felt guilty about my way of being, and I was too much all the time, too much, too much, less, less. And all the time now, people just say to me, “Oh, what deep are you?”
In Italian, deep people is defined as heavy people with. So I felt heavy all the time. I felt so too much deep, too much reflection, too much observing. And then after that, I legitimated myself and my way to see the world, to see my feelings. And sincerely, the first year that I discovered this, I didn’t pass a good year because I was very, very angry. I was angry to all the people that just didn’t know, but that made me feel all times like this. And so I changed a lot of people in my life.
I changed friends, relationships. I changed my relations with family also because all these people have an imagine of me that I gave to them, of course, but it was not me. So, I needed to wash this and so meet new people and have new relationships that can face my new version of me in some way. So, it was a hard year the first, but I felt so determined of this, so oriented in this goal like never before in my life. And then the second thing that changed my life so much, it’s always been my characteristic, that if I find something that worked for me, maybe it can work for others. And so I do all things I can do to share. And so I started very, very soon to share this knowledge, this topic that in Italy was totally unknown. And so, I found in this way, in this way, I choose many, many HS people that didn’t know they were, of course, HSP.
And then since there and right now, we founded an association two years ago, three years ago in January, and we are 500 people that work together, all spread in Italy to share this kind of topic from a scientific point of view.
Because the other thing that I see in Italy, we don’t know in the other countries, but in Italy, we have a big problem with information because with news, with sharing things, because people many, many times don’t understand and understand a part and not all. And so, it’s a very delicate topic here now. So, I feel very, very...I don’t know how to say in English. I care. Okay. I care very much to how this kind of information and acknowledgements are shared.
Kim: Right. So more of from a strength point of view and a self-understanding point of view, then there’s something wrong with you or bad.
Elena: The first and the second was that I had a gift and who everyone has gifts, of course, but my gift was this one. And so I think that this is a typical phrase that I always use in my courses, in my events, in my seminars, in my webinars. And I think that we have the right and we must also do this to be truly ourselves and to share our way, our strange way, not mainstream way, to see things with others. We don’t have to keep it for ourselves because we are here on a mission, I think.
Kim: And what’s the change that you see happening? Why is that important that we are ourselves and we are being the strange kind of not mainstream version? What do you see that doing for others or in general?
Elena: Yes. Oh, I have a great example because I work many times with schools and teachers and children, and I saw the difference between, for example, an HSP teacher that knows it and uses it with children who or not, because an HSP teacher that has no aware of this, has no knowledge of this, will try to fit as other teachers, as public school, at other rules that don’t at all fit to HS children. Because here in Italy, we have a public school that doesn’t fit at all with highly sensitive children needs. So, I know, and I trained also, and I’m honored of this, many, many teachers that changed their way to do their work, their job with the children. For example, they don’t give evaluations any more. They don’t give so much homework, for example, to children, and they make different programs, respecting the differences in children.
Kim: Right. And as you’re saying this, I’m also connecting it to our work and our jobs. It’s the same thing. There’s this expectation to push through and be...how do I explain it? Just everything seems so brash and black and white, and with people who have high sensitivity, we see all the different aspects. And yeah, are you seeing that in careers and education, or do you focus more on the children and the younger HS people, HSPs?
Elena: Also, on careers and adults, of course. Maybe for example, many people that I followed in my career, in my professional way, changed their life at all their age. So not young, not only the young, but also the old ones. And for example, many HSPs that I know didn’t do a job that was aligned with their values, for example, and they changed their job because they wanted to choose a job that was respectful of their values. So, I want to give my contribution to something that I trust.
Kim: Right. And what might be an example of that? You mentioned changing a career or job to be more in line with your values. How do you recognize that as a highly sensitive person? And how do you know if something is more aligned with your needs?
Elena: So, this is one of my goals in my work with people because it’s a very personal thing maybe, I think. And for example, a person that I met, she was working with her father in, I don’t know the term in English, but we call it commercialista, is the people that make taxes and counties and math with numbers. So all her life, she worked with numbers and with taxes and with formal things, and she was so tired. She felt overwhelmed. She hated her father because she felt obliged and forced to do this kind of job because her father did this. And so after her path as an HSP, she quit her job. So she went away from the father and from the family affair, and she took a training to teach other people to express themself by writing, very, very different kind of things. And now she has classes of this, webinars on this, and she continues to train herself in these kind of areas.
And she’s so changed also in the body. She cut her hair, she changed the color of her skin, she changed her voice and so many HSPs did something like this. So changed like this physically and mentally and changed houses, for example, houses, homes. I changed home for five years ago, and now I live outside of the city because I always lived in the city and here in Italy, we are little cities, of course. We aren’t the United States, but also if in these smaller cities, there’s too much people, too much crowd, too much noise. And so I felt I really, really needed to move out from the city and choose a place with garden near the trees. I have animals, squirrels, foxes out of my door. So also every single choice of our life will change when we respect our nature.
Kim: Wow, that is so beautiful. It’s like our environment matters, the things that we choose to do with our lives matter, and it’s more about being ourselves and fitting our needs than doing what we’re told is good for us because clearly it isn’t working.
So, can you tell me more about your work? I’m interested to learn more about that. I saw you do a lot in psychology, but also somatic work. Is that right? Can you share what that’s about, your somatic work?
Elena: Yes. I did a master degree on neuropsychosomatic. That is an approach, a scientific approach that used the ... I don’t know the term English, neurotransmitatory. The serotonin, for example, how do you call it?
Kim: Is it neurotransmission? Neuro-…
Elena: Neurotransmission, yes. Perfect. Those things. And so we studied the body and we considered the body one with the mind, with the heart, with the spiritual part. So spiritual, mental, emotional and body and physical part are the same. And so I learned to observe very, very much the non-verbal language, for example, more than the verbal. So, I really, really observe people and listen to what they don’t say more. And so I have a typical setting of body-oriented approach. So, I have the, I don’t know, the medical bed, I don’t know in English, how do you say it? And I feel also with my hands, the body of the person. And I hear, I feel what are the parts of the body that are stuck, that are blocked, locked, maybe.
Kim: Energy, I’m guessing you mean energetic-wise, energy?
Elena: Not only energy because it’s not an energy work. It’s an neuropsychosomatic work. So, it’s more physical maybe. Of course, the energy part is every way, every time important, but I try to feel specifically muscles and tensions on the body, that there are fragment tensions, how I see, and I feel how people breathe, for example, because many, many people don’t breathe. And so there are many parts of the body that tell the story of the person more than words do. So in the position of the body, in the tensions of the body, I read, maybe to give an example, I read the traumas of this person because when we have traumas, our body have a different memory of this. So, we can fix it rationally, we can talk about it, we can go to therapy, verbal therapy, and it’s okay. It’s a great part of this.
But if we don’t help the body, the system in this holistic sense, we continue to have physical problems, somatic problem about the trauma because it’s locked in our body. So, it’s founded on the concept of this innovation of the action. So, when we had traumas, we couldn’t do things, we couldn’t answer. And so, we kept in ourselves and in our body the reaction because we cannot react in that moment, maybe where we were children, of course, with the adults or where the peers, we couldn’t react, we couldn’t say our opinion, we couldn’t defend ourselves maybe many times. And that energy, that neurotransmission changed our system in that moment and fixed our defensive structure about the trauma on the trauma.
Kim: Is there a correlation between where it is in the body and the trauma, or is that kind of dependent on who the person is? I’m curious, if we can’t speak our mind, do our throats hold the tension, and if we’re not confident, do our bellies hold the tension? Does that matter where it is in the body and does that help tell the story? Is there correlation there?
Elena: Absolutely, but not just directly to the trauma because the same symptom can mean different things in different people, but the part of the body tell us the defensive structure of that person. So for example, if I have the ... Sorry, the term what is?
Kim: Throat or thyroid or ...
Elena: Okay. If I have a block here, tension here, maybe it’s an example, and you have to link all the things, of course, about the story of the single person, but maybe your defensive structure is not tell. So you defend yourself like this. We use strategies all the time in our life that we learned in our childhood and we automatically repeat them all our life without knowing, without knowing it. So we are not aware why I always have this problem. Why? Every time I see or do this or have this experience, I react like this. Or why I cannot, for example, make the diet? Why I cannot stop smoking? Why I always find the same kind of man in my life? So everything that in our life we cannot do is we cannot do or we cannot reach in any way, tell us that is a schema and an unconscious schema.
And this is what the body tell. So where we have the block, tell us where I defense myself, where I blocked the energy to keep me safe from my environment.
Kim: Right. Gosh, it’s so fascinating. So one more question about that, and we can move on, but what does that tell us about the way we keep ourselves safe and the defense mechanisms we have? How does that show us what we can do to be more open and let this tension go? What does that mean?
Elena: For example, if I understood well the question, for example, the voice in HSPs is a body characteristic that I use many, many times because many times we as HSPs didn’t have voice, didn’t feel heard, seen, didn’t feel that people care about what we say or what we think, and we lower the voice. So, we have and oh well, excuse me if I say I don’t want to disturb you. So many, many HSPs have these kind of topics in their stories, and this emerge from voice. So I work with the body, not only on the bed, on the medical bed, but I have groups with 20 people, more or less, and we do experiences, bodily experiences to change these kind of schemas. So we need each other to do this. So maybe an exercise that I often do after another kind of training, another kind of introduction, of course, or it’s not something that people can do like this in five minutes, of course, but people prepare to do this.
An exercise is to say no, it’s simple. If we think of it, okay, you make couples with the unknown people, of course, because the group is formed by unknown people and stay in front of each other and say no, just say no to the other without any other explanation say no. Many, many HSPs in this experience, in this practical example and ridiculous thing maybe if we think about it, cannot say no. They feel that they block the no. So they say no. They say no, but with smiling, because they feel guilty that is a typical HSP topic. And so, we move the body, we feel the energy without the young in oriental studies exercises to keep this kind of energy available because we have this energy, but we didn’t use it at any time, never. So, it’s not useful for us. So after this kind of exercises, okay, so made couple another time and say to the other, you know, just think about all the people that you would like to say no in your daily life.
And then it’s wonderful because of course of every people in every person it is possibility or a possibility, of course, but they change the voice. So the second time they say, no.
Kim: Absolutely not.
Elena: No. They felt this energy and often they wrote me after these groups and they wrote me to tell me what happened after this. And so I went home and I say to my husband that I said.
Kim: Yeah, heck no.
Elena: So, we worked on assertiveness and the right of standing up.
Kim: Yes. No, you’re so right. And as you’re saying all these things, I’m in my mind, all the ways that I say certain things, but I soften them for other people, you laugh it off or to be straightforward like, no, I’m not interested in that, but thank you. Even then, just thank you. How can I soften this for you? It’s so true.
So what would you say you struggle with your high sensitivity? What’s a challenge that you have even though you do all this research, and you help people? Is there something that you still grapple with?
Elena: Yeah, of course. Many things. Yes, because I always say that it’s not, in my opinion, of course, we never are arrived.
So, all these things that I train all the people to learn is something that I have to train all day in my life because it’s not done. Okay, it’s done. I understood. Okay. It’s simple. It’s never simple. So always also to say no, for example, also for me in some situations is difficult. So I have to face all the times the typical things that every of course HSP has to face. For example, the difficult to say no. The difficult to keep our limits because I love my work and I love people and many, many times I go over my limits. And so, I felt empty and low energy and it’s not good. So, I have to balance all the time and ask me, take the time to ask me deeply, okay, have I the energy to do this or not? And many times I make mistake about this.
So many times I do too much and then I have to rest many times a lot of time because I feel really overwhelmed. I don’t work. We don’t function well after we pass our limits, so it’s a problem. The other problem for me, it’s the authenticity in relationships because I deeply, deeply need a hundred percent authenticity.
And this is very, very heavy for people around me because authenticity is a brave choice, very, very brave choice, very strong choice. And I know because it’s difficult also for me, but for me, it’s a fundamental thing of all my relationships in work, in association, in friendships, in couples. And so of course, I’m also an expert of nonverbal language. I note a lot, many times I see the incurrence between verbal and nonverbal, for example. And I really, really, really feel strange and discomfort in this. So I really, really need that people I know have to do a lot of work of themselves.
Kim: Thank you so much for sharing that. It’s so funny you mentioned that because I’ve been going through something similar and it’s hard to put the words to it. And I think you did it beautifully, but it’s almost like, and correct me if I’m getting this wrong, but when I go out with my friends and I feel they’re not being their authentic selves, I feel very uncomfortable. I’m not having fun. I don’t feel like I connect with them on a deep level. I kind of see past it and it’s such a turnoff. Is that what you’re saying? Do the inner work, be your authentic self so that we can have a real connection. And yeah, I find my mood kind of goes downhill when I’m around people who can’t be themselves because I sense that.
Elena: Yeah, of course. Because we are HSPs. But also because we are HSPs that worked on ourself because I really want to say this in this podcast because I had so, so many difficulties, especially with HS people, in authenticity because we ... And I know well in my first life, I was exactly like this.
Kim: Exactly.
Elena: And we are people pleaser.
Kim: Yes.
Elena: Of course, it depends of the family and the environment. So I had a dysfunctional family, and so I had to be what my family needed.
So I structure what Elise Miller, this is an author that I love very much, and she call it the false self. So many, many HS people structure a false self to function in their environment, and we lose, we lost our true self many times. So especially for HS people, it’s fundamental to do an inner work to reconnect with our true self. That means many times we lose people. And one of the person that helped me very much this year to change my life told me, “You have to give to yourself the right to disappoint others. You have the right to disappoint others. Feel it.” And this is one of the things that changed my perspective of all. And so I disappoint you. I’m sorry. It’s okay. But authenticity pass from here. So, it’s something that costs us. It’s not simple and it’s not free. It’s not for free.
Kim: Yeah. And I feel like one of the things that as we do find our authenticity that we struggle with, at least I do, is finding others who have done that work because there’s such a big disconnect. And I see a lot of people aren’t doing the work. And it makes me feel very alone sometimes. Where’s everyone who’s done all the self-growth? Because here I am, I’m doing this growth. And not that I’m better than others. I don’t believe in that. I believe we’re all on different journeys. It’s more like I’m having trouble connecting with people now. Does that make sense? I’m not able to connect with people in the way that I’m looking to because I feel so much more out there.
Elena: I totally agree with you. You explain it very, very well. So, it’s not something that it’s most or more or less or up and down. I don’t feel like this anyway, at the same way. Sorry. But it’s something that I can or cannot. So I can connect with you if you are connect with yourself.
Kim: Yes.
Elena: Because if you are not connected with yourself, I cannot. Yes. So, it’s not a judgment, of course. It’s not a separation between people who is here and other who’s there, but simply. Yes, simply. Simply. I try, but I cannot.
Kim: Great way to put it. How can I connect to you deeply if you can’t connect to yourself in that way? And yeah, everyone’s on their journey and yeah, we’re just all navigating the best we can.
Elena: Of course.
Kim: So, what do you love about high sensitivity and what do you celebrate?
Elena: Oh, you English people, English-speaking people use this term in a way that I love and we don’t use it never in Italy. It’s celebrate.
And I miss it because I think that we have many, many things to celebrate in our life. So, it’s a term that I use instead. Also, even if I’m Italian and I celebrate highly sensitive trait and highly sensitive people in the event, for example, that we organize with our association, we do parties, we do meetings, gatherings, and congress, of course, but also informal groups just to share ourselves, just to give each other the possibility to say, “Yes, I’m here. Yes, we are here. This is our world also.” So, for me, celebrating, it’s a way of life maybe, and a way of doing my job and doing the events of association. And in my experience, I trained in this moment, I trained more or less 140 people that work nowaday with high sensitivity in their different professional areas. And we had a meeting of HSP experts, maybe we can call it like this.
I don’t know the word experts, okay, but it’s okay. And we were 42 people in a room making ideas and sharing things and talking about our struggles and our empowerment and projects. So in the air, there was so a big energy. So we are electric. So we celebrated that with the silence, with the minute of meditation, with the key words. So what every person in the room shared with others, the power word, we can say like this, of the day. And so many people share connection, energy, sense, goals, be part of something and not feel alone anymore. And so many, many powerful words that they feel and felt. And so this is an example of how we celebrate this.
Kim: Wow. This is so beautiful. It’s kind of giving me the idea that we’re not alone in this. There is so much to learn from others and not only taking in what others have to share with you, have that self-, kind of empowerment to know that your words can also inspire others. Your journey can inspire others to come out of our shell and be the people that we’re meant to be and stop hiding this beautiful trait. There’s a lot that we can gain, especially when we tap into that connection and togetherness.
Elena: Yes. And I love the differences, as you said before. So, I love to stay with HS people, but also stay with not HS people and celebrate the difference because as Elaine Aron said, the difference is the sense of life. So, we are here to be the unique person that every one of us is, highly sensitive or non-highly sensitive, but just let us be as we are.
Kim: Yes. Wonderful note to leave this on. So, what are the projects that you’re working on now? I know you mentioned you have events and training ongoing. Is it just for people in Italy? Do you only work with people in Italy? Can you share more about what that is?
Elena: In this moment, yes, because I do not use English so many times, but in this moment, thanks to you, maybe thank the connection with you. I felt in this interview, in this podcast, I felt very comfortable also with the language. So maybe one day I will do also things in English. So, for Italian people, yes, we made this gathering with the HSP experts, and then we’ll have a big event on May next year, sorry, next year in May, and maybe 130, 150 people. And we’ll speak about adolescents, so highly sensitive adolescents and parents of adolescence, of course.
And so, what’s the problems, what’s the potentials and the possibilities to help the adolescents? And so the topic will be adolescent and another. So, I’m sorry, in this moment, I don’t remember exactly, but we discussed a lot of what two topics to choose because we had a lot of topics, of course. So we have once a year a big event where we invited all Italian people from all the other countries in Italy with the HSP experts, so speakers, and also the workshops. So in the second part of the day, they made groups, little group, and know each other and learn strategies. So, we try to share strategies about high sensitivity in little group in this event. And then I also go to Palermo University in Sicily on December because in Italy now we have seven universities and it’s a great news for us that wants to introduce in their courses this topic.
And yes, they have seven researchers group that are studying high sensitivity in different areas from since the childhood to the adulthood and the work and the relationships, and so the mindfulness programs. And so they are sharing things and often they called me to go to the training or lessons or events, and the next will be in Sicily in December.
Kim: Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for the work that you’re doing. Where can people follow along with your journey? Do you have a website or are you on social media?
Elena: I am on social media. Elena Lupo is my name on Facebook and on Instagram. And we have the official pages of association that is person ultimately that mean highly sensitive people in Italy. And we have the Instagram page, the Facebook page, and the website.
Kim: Amazing. Thank you so much for joining me today.
Elena: Thanks to you. We’re very, very comfortable. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for listening in on my conversation with Elena. I hope it reminds you that high sensitivity is not something to overcome or fix, but something we can honor and integrate into every part of our lives. Living in true alignment is so important to experiencing ease and peace that comes with feeling at home in our bodies, careers, and relationships.
If you could use support creating a gentler and nurturing career as an HSP, that’s the work I do. You can visit happyhspcoaching.com to download your free career clarity guidebook and stress-less toolkit. And while you’re there don’t forget to sign up for a free career clarity breakthrough session with me. I’d love to hear from you and learn more about how I can help you along on your journey!
And if you found this conversation supportive, please share it with another highly sensitive person who might need this reminder today. We all need to know we’re not alone, our sensitivity matters, and that we have so much to offer the world by simply being who we are.
Until next time. Take care!
About Elena Lupo:
Elena Lupo is a Neuropsychosomatic Consultant and graduate in Psychology with training in Biosystemic Psychotherapy, Oncological and Cardiac Psychology, Clinical Posturology, EMDR, NLP Practitioner, Quantum Health Sciences, and Psychosomatic Mindfulness.
She has been and International High Sensitivity Consultant (ICHS) since 2018, President of the Highly Sensitive Persons Association (HSP Italia) since 2023, and is also the author of The Treasure of Sensitive Children and Transform Your Wounds, and a teacher and trainer.
Follow along on Elena’s journey:
Website: www.personealtamentesensibili.it
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elenalupo.trainer/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/elena-lupo-84982a57/
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About Kimberly:
Kimberly Marshall is a career coach for highly sensitive people (HSPs) and host of The Happy HSP Podcast. After 20 years in the publishing industry working for companies like Time Inc., Monster.com, and W. W. Norton, she left her corporate career to pursue work that better suited her HSP needs. She now helps HSPs overcome burnout and low confidence in the workplace and create gentle and nurturing careers that bring them lots of purpose, meaning, and joy.
Through her work and creative ventures, Kimberly hopes to shed more light on the reality of living with high sensitivity and inspire more HSPs to embrace their empathetic, loving, and gentle natures.
Hosted/produced by Kimberly Marshall
Edited by Fonzie Try Media
Artwork by Tara Corola